The Power of "No"

Fear is a great motivator. This week, I had my first full infusion to treat my MS. My husband drove me to Johns Hopkins to undergo the five hour infusion. It starts with a wave of pre-meds that are less than appealing, but as the body acclimates– the rest is all about mindset. I started a daily mindfulness practice recently, and being able to disconnect and breathe into my discomfort has proven to be a lifesaver. It calms my central nervous system and quells thoughts of discomfort. Being hooked to this machine for five hours is a reminder that I am not well, but I am doing everything in my power to get well. For those living with chronic illness it becomes part of your life much like taking out the trash, feeding the dog, or paying bills. It is a must do- you ignore it, and you will be in the hospital for much longer than five hours. I used to really resent my disease. It robbed me of time with my boys. It put my work on hold. It kept me from attending various events. It landed me in the hospital time and time again. Since starting my new infusion- which has proven to be a really good fit – I have learned to appreciate my disease in a way I could not until now. When you are surrounded by health, you are reminded of what you do not have, and as a result, you work hard to get there. Every meal. Every walk. Every moment to breathe is a reminder that the day before that thing was unattainable. This morning I walked two miles with neighbors. It was eighteen degrees outside, and I was so thankful to be in the brisk air that I forgot I was cold. Three days ago, I laid in my bed miserable as the steroids wore off. I gained seven pounds in one day with swelling. Today, I am back to my regular weight, and my body felt renewed after the time outdoors. I am finally at a place where I am thankful for my MS. Sounds insane, I know. But if I did not have it- would I take it all for granted? Walking? Traveling? Working? Camping with my boys? Would my lack of struggle make me weaker? More content? Complacent?  Fear is indeed a great motivator, but if I have learned anything through this journey, it is that our thoughts determine our reality. The strongest people I know have walked a difficult path- unpaved, bumpy, nonlinear. It is not their struggle that halts success. Instead, it is the struggle that makes them whole.

Maya Angelou said it best, “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

"Nothing is more important than empathy for another human being's suffering. Nothing—not career, not wealth, not intelligence, certainly not status. We have to feel for one another if we're going to survive with dignity." ~Audrey Hepburn

 Last week, I started walking at 5:45 am in the morning with some rock star neighbors. I had this idea when nestled on my couch, coffee in hand, fireplace keeping me toasty. When the alarm went off the first Monday after a three-week winter break, and my weather app reported 21 degrees, I thought, What have I gotten myself into this time? However, since I was in my twenties, I learned that avoiding comfort leads to my best results. I ran two marathons before the age of twenty-five, and while I hated most of both, I completed them and lived to tell the story. Much to the head shaking of my colleagues who ask, “Why do you do so much?” I simply think, I have always been that way. It was not until I filled out a survey for a student in my early teaching days that asked “Does he appear to run on a motor?” that an epiphany struck me- doesn’t everyone? My base drive “to do” has been with me my whole life– a blessing and a curse– I have learned to curtail it to push myself into new arenas, and I have tried to instill this same desire in my children. Now, when I am driven to do something, I try to ask myself…what do I not really want to do? That is the thing I need the most. This had me thinking, as parents, we want to bring our children all of the comforts of life. However, it was not until my youngest son started at a local military school this year (by choice) that I realized we had it all wrong. Much like my bitter early morning walks, he starts each day in formation getting yelled at by school leaders and sometimes drill sergeants from the local Army base. This is not how most fifteen-year-olds like to start a Tuesday, but his commitment to this unorthodox schooling put things into perspective for me. Avoiding comfort yields results. Positive results. This year, I encourage you to help your student avoid comfort in at least one area. Encourage them to try a class that is a bit harder than the norm. Encourage them to volunteer at a local nursing home once a week and chat with their elders. Encourage them to spend a week building houses with Habitat for Humanity. When we are comfortable we stay stagnant, and learning to be uncomfortable allows us to build self-worth and self-confidence in future tasks. When our kids embrace discomfort, they learn critical soft skills needed for success in college and in the work place. Finally, as parents, we, too, should embrace discomfort. Doing the work we are good at day in and day out–while stressful– is somewhat predictable. It is easy to do what we are good at, but what about doing something we are not so good at…that is tough. When your child sees you avoiding comfort, they will feel more compelled to give it a shot. So as you settle in during this second snow storm of the season….ask yourself, how can I avoid comfort and encourage my student to do the same? The moon is beautiful at 5:45 am by the way.

What a Water Shortage and "Alone" Taught me this Week

As an English teacher, I often found myself answering the questions, “How long does it have to be? Do I have to write in complete sentences? How many sentences, exactly, are you expecting in a paragraph?” and so on and so on. It used to frustrate me to know that so many students were okay with just doing the bare minimum. How would we feel about Einstein, Newton, Edison, and all the greatest thinkers of previous generations, if all they ever did was the bare minimum? Then it dawned on me… we don’t really let our students know why we expect them to write. Writing as an art form, at its core, teaches thinking. Thinking about a prompt, thinking about what words to use, thinking about what story to tell, regardless of the type or length of writing, requires thought. Too often, in the 21st century classroom, we find ourselves less focused on thinking, or problem solving, and more focused on passing a test or finding a technology to apply to our educational goals. Students are experts at multiple choice and regurgitating facts, but they typically don’t have the stamina required to write a one page paper. They lack the discipline to truly look at a problem from all angles and find a solution, or express in writing what that solution would be. Again, this is not their fault, but as educators, I would like to see a shift in what we expect from students. They need to be challenged; they need to think, use their imagination, judge and be judged. Critical thinking and expressing their ideas is so much more important than the ability to regurgitate information or successfully use multiple choice strategies to correctly answer questions. Those skills certainly have their place, but how many professionals have to pass a multiple choice test during their average workday? Being able to express yourself, confidently, is so much more important. Even if it is only in an email or a memorandum, the ability to write clearly and concisely is a skill from which any profession would benefit. Communication has become easier than ever, and ironically, most of it involves writing of some sort. Whether it be via text, snap, email or social media post, the art of using the written word to communicate isn’t going away. Being able to intelligently and creatively use that skill is going to be more important than ever, and we need to be fostering those skills in class, no matter the discipline. So the next time a student asks how many words they should write, let the answer be the same… “It doesn’t matter, so long as you put some real thought into what you’re going to write.”

My mother used to say, “Show me your friends, and I will show you who you are.”

The Power of Knowing When to Reset

Getting Your Reluctant Reader to Fall in Love with Books